Warning. This post contains the ramblings of a nerdy hermit. Proceed with caution.
Now that that's out of the way, allow me to explain what the word blerd means. Firstly, blerd is a portmanteau word. Okay, so what in the world is a portmanteau word? It's simply a combination of two words to form one new word. You know, like smog is smoke and fog? Well, blerd is black nerd. Cool, right? Not really, but now you know the meaning of the word. I'm self described as many things. I'm Black, and that's a fact. I'm a woman, and that's also a fact. There's no disputing those two things. I describe myself as a gamer, nerd, hermit, introvert, etc. I suppose those things are up for debate depending on your perspective, but I embrace every term.
Every so often, I like to delve a little deeper into my personal thoughts and feelings outside of the world of video games. So please allow me to go off topic for a bit, but I sometimes just have a need to get my feelings out with the written word.
It's hard being a woman. It's even harder being a Black woman. It's even harder still to be a Black woman who's introverted that likes video games, novels, comic books, and cartoons. It's hard to be a Black woman who likes all of those things and typically lives inside of her head all day. It freaks some people out when I don't fit their expectations. Instead of valuing me as an individual, they try to put me inside a box that society says I should fit into, and I don't.
Maybe I'm really a hermit. I am an introvert, but I'm not so shy that it cripples my social interactions. I am a bit awkward, but I can function just fine out in public. I just prefer to be home. I find that I can do everything I like to do from home. I don't see the problem with enjoying my sanctuary. That would be my home. I read, write, eat, watch television and movies, browse the Internet, work out, and watch YouTube from my sanctuary.
Society thinks I should be outgoing, gregarious, and just in your face. I am friendly, but I'm really low key. I'm not supposed to enjoy games, comics, anime, and everything else I like. Why am I not allowed to be myself? Why am I not allowed the freedom to be in my skin and enjoy the nerdy things I love? Can I live?
The people who are closest to me understand how I work. I'm always thinking, creating, and wondering how I can contribute positively to this world as a human. I want to experience a full life; I don't want to just do things because they are expected of me based on my race and gender.
Again I ask, can I live?
If you absolutely desire to place me into a package, then consider me a blerd. I'm simply a black nerd. We come in all shapes and sizes. Variety is the spice of life. Even though blerd sounds limiting, it's actually a freeing term. It embodies the essence of who I am. To me, the word nerd isn't even a derogatory term. No, it's a term of empowerment and endearment. We're no longer thought of as just weirdos that wear glasses and shirts with pocket protectors. We are some of the coolest and most well rounded people you can meet. I am a blerd, and that's okay. Self acceptance and security in who you are forces others to accept you as you are.
Maybe in time society will realize that we really exist, and it will adjust to accept us as mainstream. I'm not unique, but I am under represented. Maybe as we become more mainstream and have more of a collective voice, people will stop being alarmed by me and just let me be me.
Until then, I'll just continue to enjoy my blerdy existence and keep on trucking.
Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. The next post will be back to regularly scheduled programming.
Game on, my friends.
