Blerd Alert

Warning. This post contains the ramblings of a nerdy hermit. Proceed with caution. 

Now that that's out of the way, allow me to explain what the word blerd means.  Firstly, blerd is a portmanteau word.  Okay, so what in the world is a portmanteau word?  It's simply a combination of two words to form one new word.  You know, like smog is smoke and fog?  Well, blerd is black nerd.  Cool, right?  Not really, but now you know the meaning of the word.  I'm self described as many things.  I'm Black, and that's a fact.  I'm a woman, and that's also a fact.  There's no disputing those two things.  I describe myself as a gamer, nerd, hermit, introvert, etc.  I suppose those things are up for debate depending on your perspective, but I embrace every term.

Every so often, I like to delve a little deeper into my personal thoughts and feelings outside of the world of video games.  So please allow me to go off topic for a bit, but I sometimes just have a need to get my feelings out with the written word.

It's hard being a woman.  It's even harder being a Black woman.  It's even harder still to be a Black woman who's introverted that likes video games, novels, comic books, and cartoons.  It's hard to be a Black woman who likes all of those things and typically lives inside of her head all day.  It freaks some people out when I don't fit their expectations.  Instead of valuing me as an individual, they try to put me inside a box that society says I should fit into, and I don't.

Maybe I'm really a hermit.  I am an introvert, but I'm not so shy that it cripples my social interactions.  I am a bit awkward, but I can function just fine out in public.  I just prefer to be home.  I find that I can do everything I like to do from home.  I don't see the problem with enjoying my sanctuary.  That would be my home.  I read, write, eat, watch television and movies, browse the Internet, work out, and watch YouTube from my sanctuary. 

Society thinks I should be outgoing, gregarious, and just in your face.  I am friendly, but I'm really low key.  I'm not supposed to enjoy games, comics, anime, and everything else I like.  Why am I not allowed to be myself?  Why am I not allowed the freedom to be in my skin and enjoy the nerdy things I love?  Can I live?

The people who are closest to me understand how I work.  I'm always thinking, creating, and wondering how I can contribute positively to this world as a human.  I want to experience a full life; I don't want to just do things because they are expected of me based on my race and gender.

Again I ask, can I live?

If you absolutely desire to place me into a package, then consider me a blerd.  I'm simply a black nerd.  We come in all shapes and sizes.  Variety is the spice of life.  Even though blerd sounds limiting, it's actually a freeing term.  It embodies the essence of who I am.  To me, the word nerd isn't even a derogatory term.  No, it's a term of empowerment and endearment.  We're no longer thought of as just weirdos that wear glasses and shirts with pocket protectors. We are some of the coolest and most well rounded people you can meet.  I am a blerd, and that's okay.  Self acceptance and security in who you are forces others to accept you as you are.

Maybe in time society will realize that we really exist, and it will adjust to accept us as mainstream.  I'm not unique, but I am under represented.  Maybe as we become more mainstream and have more of a collective voice, people will stop being alarmed by me and just let me be me.

Until then, I'll just continue to enjoy my blerdy existence and keep on trucking.

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest.  The next post will be back to regularly scheduled programming.

Game on, my friends.

Q&A Session with Myself

Black Gamer Girl, could you answer a few questions, please?

Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough that someone will care enough to ask me questions.  Since I'm not there yet, I figured I would ask and answer my own questions.  It'll be a nice change of pace from my usual posts, and it'll give you guys a little insight into what makes me tick.  Oh, and I can be a little crazy.  Let's roll.

So, Black Gamer Girl, could you tell us a little about yourself?

Sure.  Well, I was born in...

Um, let's not go that far back.  How about you tell us about how you became a gamer?

Oh, my bad.  Okay, that's easy.  I was fortunate enough to be born into a family that already had gamers in it.  I've been surrounded by games my entire life.  So the condensed answer to telling your intial question is that I'm a Black woman who was fortunate enough to be raised around other gamers.  I just feel like it's right for me.

Is that so?

Indeed.  Some of my earliest memories involve playing video games.  I mean, I remember being in the crib and reading for the first time, but I also remember playing Atari.  I remember that as clearly as just about anything else.

Now we're getting somewhere (laughs). Could you describe that time?

Sure.  I remember some of my cousins had an Atari.  I didn't yet know the exact details of the console, but I knew it was an Atari from their conversations.  I remember they had a crate full of cartridges.  I used to love sitting on the floor and watching them play.

Did they ever let you play?

Sometimes.  I mostly just sat and watched them play.  On the rare occasion, they would let me play Pac-Man.  At that time, it was good enough.  I mean, there was no better feeling than controlling something on the television.  I didn't really know what I was doing, but I knew that I loved doing it.

How old were you at that time?

Maybe about four.  Yeah, I think about four.

Okay.  So when would you say that you started to game for yourself and not just because someone let you press a button?

Umm, maybe the following year when I was five.  That sounds about right.

Five years old.  So that would have been 19...

Yup.  That year.

Alright.  What do you remember about your fifth year?

Well, I've told this story before.

I don't believe I've heard it.

Really?

Yeah, really.  I mean, you're nobody important.

Wow...I mean, that's true.  But you didn't need to say it like that.

I don't sugarcoat anything.

That's obvious.  Well, I played Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt.

Two Nintendo classics.  

Indeed.  Nintendo and Super Nintendo made up the bulk of my childhood.  To this day, I still have a dislike for the dog from Duck Hunt.  I would put the Zapper up to the TV and well, zap him (laughs).

Any favorites from that era?

Besides Super Mario Bros, I have a few.  I loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games, Mega Man, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat.  Oh, and I can't forget Super Mario World.  So many hours spent playing that.  I'm leaving out a lot, but I've played so many games in my lifetime.  I remember my mom would let me rent a game every Friday evening.

Did you only play consoles?

Nah, I played whatever was available.  I also played lots of coin-ops and pinball, too.  My grandma used to babysit me.  Whenever she would go to the laundromat, I would spend quarters on the coin-ops there.

Care to name a few?

I spent many quarters on Mrs. Pac-Man and Galaga.  I'd be rich if I had saved all of those quarters.  I also loved to play House of the Dead.  I think my favorite pinball machine of all time is The Addams Family.  I remember going to this arcade called Planet Xtreme every weekend in high school.  Again, if I had saved those quarters...

You might be richer financially, but you wouldn't have those great gamer memories!

(Laughing) That's true!  I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

Alright, so you started to come into your own as a gamer during the Nintendo/Super Nintendo years.  How did you know that you had a love for games?  I mean, what was the trigger?

I don't know if there was a trigger.  I just became accustomed to renting a different game every weekend from the local video store.  I loved playing those Tiger Electronics handheld games.  I played the Game & Watch from Nintendo.  When I received a Game Boy on Christmas, it was on.  I don't know, really.  I've just always been drawn to playing video games.

Fair enough.  So let's fast forward to today.  Are there any games that you're currently playing and loving?

My favorite game out currently is Fallout 4, but sometimes I get the urge to play some older games. I still play games like GTA IV, Fallout 3, and Left 4 Dead 2.  There is no reason to give up on the older stuff just because new games keep being released.

I totally agree with that.  Besides, those older games are like a part of our DNA.  They help to make us who we are.

They really do.

Okay.  So, where do you see yourself in the next five to ten years?  Still an avid gamer?

Most definitely.  I don't think I'll ever stop buying and playing video games.  I mean, I still watch cartoons.  I watch the old and the new stuff.  I don't see why I wouldn't keep buying and playing video games.  I want to expand and meet other gamers.  Start going to Comic-Con and if I'm lucky, E3 one of these days.

Do you hope that you'll find a partner who loves cartoons and games, as well?

I can only hope.

I hope you do find him.  Now for a few random questions.

Cool, shoot.

Favorite movie?  Food?  Sports?  Music?

Um, I have too many favorite movies.  It's tough to pick just one, so I'll just name two off the top of my head.  Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Pulp Fiction.  As for food, I guess pepperoni pizza and mac and cheese.  I'm a fan of Philadelphia sports teams.  I like a little of bit of everything with music.

Well, I think that'll wrap up this interview.  Anything else that you would like to say?

Yes, actually.  Game on, my friends.

Okay...alright.  Thanks for this interview, Black Gamer Girl.  It's been rather...interesting.

I appreciate you taking the time to interview me.  I look forward to our next meeting.

I really don't, but you're welcome.  I enjoyed it in a strange way.

Yeah!  Game on, my friend!

(Rolls eyes and sighs) Yeah!  Game on, indeed.

This Gamer's Life

We keep spending most our lives living in the gamer's paradise.

(Toad has nothing to do with this post.  This pic is just so cute.  They're so happy about that star.)

I am a gamer.  If you've been reading my posts thus far, you already know that.  I'm certain that even if you didn't read them, you could deduce that from the name of my blog.  It's what I do.  Even still, I sometimes feel like a unicorn.  People either want to believe in my existence or try so hard to deny it.

For instance, my mother wonders why I love video games so much.  I've just always been drawn to them, but I can't convey that in a way that she'll ever understand.  In her mind, I should find some other way to be productive with my life.  Trust that I am and I play in my spare time, but she considers it a childish activity.  Or even worse, a BOY activity.  

Pffft.  Later for that nonsense. (I lied about Toad, and I'm going to use him to demonstrate emotion.)

A good chunk of my life revolves around acquiring and playing games, and there's nothing shameful about that.  If that's the worst habit in the world, I'll gladly accept it.  I'm tired of explaining why I play video games, so I actively befriend others who are into the culture.  I'm living in a gamer's paradise.

What do I mean by a gamer's paradise?  Simple.  In my life up to this point, playing video games is simply my greatest joy.  I don't have kids, so I dote on my games.  I love meeting with like minded individuals and sharing our mutual love for video games.  I love being a part of this culture.  It's special.

And don't think I'm only a pseudo gamer to impress anybody.  Please!  I couldn't care any less than I already don't about what people think about my habit.  Either accept that we're probably going to game when you come to visit me, or you can catch a turnip to the face.  Real talk (in my gangster voice). 

Seriously though, there is no age limit for this.  There are no racial or gender boundaries for this.  That's the beauty of it all.  We can all connect and share this common interest.  We are gamers.  For better or for worse, we're connected.  We don't grow out of it; we simply evolve with it.  I'm amazed when I think about how far we've come from the North American video game crash of 1983.  

Here's a fun graphic detailing and projecting global video game sales in 2014 and 2019.  Research!

I hope to continue to nurture and feed the need to game.  I don't want to live in a world where I can't shoot enemies, drive on the sidewalk, fast travel, battle dragons, fly, create weapons from junk, transform, or take bullets to the face and heal myself like it's nothing  And the fact that I can do it time and time again?  Paradise.

So to my fellow gamers out there, I got nothin' but love for ya.  We're a unique bunch.  In our world, we can be as serious or goofy as we want to be.  We can be competitive with one another, or we can work together.  Our common enemy is the tedium of everyday life that we escape when we power on our consoles and PCs.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh, and I am proud to admit that my current obsession is Fallout 4.  I love that game!  Feel free to check out my previous blog post.  I started a short story that's inspired by Fallout.  I hope you guys are enjoying the new releases, as well.

Game on, my friends.

Level Up Your Life

I am level 31.

As you may have guessed, I look at life differently from most people.  I don't age up; I level up.  I'm a gamer, so I look at life as an MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game) or a life simulation game.  Every day is a chance for me to earn experience points towards my next level.

Okay now, hang in here with me.  I tend to have strange perspectives on things.

As I sit here, I think back on all the little ways I earned XP this past year.  Let's see:

• I haggled with various merchants throughout the land and my barter skill increased
• I acquired better armor (developed thicker skin)
• I devoted many hours to learning and became a certified surgical technologist
• I trained hard and lost 40 pounds
• I read lots of articles on Google, practiced, and became a better cook
• I decided to take a chance on myself and my writing  
• I made more attempts to be social and my charisma and speech skills increased

Cue the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 level up sound, please (it's so epic to me)

BAM!  I leveled up, and my story mode is progressing along quite nicely.

Now if I could find a nice gamer guy, I would be all set.  I guess I still need to acquire more charisma points before that happens.  Some speech points wouldn't hurt, either.  Let's add some perception points in there so I can see the bull bull a mile away.  I digress.

I'm a more experienced version of myself compared to last year, but I'm not done.  There is no level cap.  I strive to continuously earn XP and level up again.  As long as the game is being played (life), I'll keep earning it.

Even when bad things happen, they offer chances for me to grow and adapt.  Live, learn, and you'll level up in time.

So what about you?

Treat your life like an adventure game.  Go out and explore the world.  Accept various quests along the way, but don't let the side quests distract you from completing your main quest.  Don't be afraid to tackle new challenges head on even if you don't feel that you've leveled up enough for it.  You'll earn XP no matter how it goes.

Form alliances with other players and join guilds/clans that assist you on your path.

Strive to become good at a little bit of everything or become highly specialized in one area.  The choice is yours.  Life is meant to be customized.

Now that I think about it, is it just me or does it feel like we're in The Sims?  You know, some player controlling us while we think we have free will.  Just me?  Oh, okay.  Sorry, random gamer thought.  Anyway, back to my point.

Play the game of life, and play it well.

Live and level up your life.  A short and sweet message for you all.

Oh, and I can't wait to get my copy of Fallout 4.  Yeah!  I'm ready to level up like crazy on that.  Marathon gaming sessions for the win.  I'm working on a special blog post to celebrate that.  It'll probably be up in the next few days.

How have you leveled up your life?  Feel free to drop a comment below.

Game on, my friends.

The Evolution of a Gamer

Do you remember your first time?

Do you remember the first time you wrapped your hand around that stick and pressed that button?  What about when you got your moves just right and hit that target?  Remember how your temperature would rise while you concentrated on satisfying your urges?  Do you remember that excitement you felt and the late nights you spent?  Do you remember?

I know that sounded a bit out there, but get your minds out of the gutter.  I'm talking about playing video games.  I remember sitting cross legged on the floor watching my older cousins play Pac-Man on the Atari.  I remember when they asked if I wanted to try and the excitement my little four year old self felt while controlling Pac-Man.  And when he ate the power pellets?  Oh man, it was like heaven.

But at that time, it wasn't serious for me.  I was curious and I had fun, but it didn't define me.  I wasn't yet a gamer.

A few years rolled by, and I received a Nintendo for a gift.  Ah, now here we go.  I began my 8-bit adventures and things got a little more serious.  Like many budding gamers at the time, I cut my teeth on Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt.

I took mushrooms, picked flaming flowers, bumped coins out of bricks, stomped on creatures, pulled down flags, and saved the princess.  And I happily did it time after time.  Super Mario Bros. was my first obsession.  When I wanted a change, I could be seen shooting ducks or being taunted by a large dog I came to hate.  Oh yeah, I shot at him with the NES Zapper more than a few times.

Ugh

I remember one of my cousins even had a Power Pad.  We used it to play World Class Track Meet.  We were gaming and burning calories before the Wii or the Kinect.  Yeah, yeah.

As time went on, I began to amass a nice collection of NES games.  I fondly remember anxiously awaiting Fridays because my mom would let me rent a game every weekend.  My weekends were spent trying to save April with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, punch out Mike Tyson, and help Darkwing Duck keep St. Canard safe.  A little gamer was beginning to grow.

A couple of years passed, and I received a Super Nintendo from a cousin.  I stepped into the realm of 16-bit gaming, and my love for gaming grew deeper.  It was on the SNES that I teamed up with Mario and Yoshi to defeat Bowser again, and I threw the first of many Hadoukens with Ryu on Street Fighter II.

The gamer in me continued to grow.  It was during this era that I truly began to enjoy gaming as a social activity, and my competitive edge began to show.  I wanted to prove my dominance over my cousins and friends in everything from Mortal Kombat to NBA Jam.

I started to read various gaming magazines like Nintendo Power and longed for a Game Genie.  I accumulated various codes and strategies.  I had to feed the need.

Oh, the hours we spent huddled around my little TV punching the YXBA buttons and bumpers in any number of combinations.  There were times when my mom had to make us stop in order to eat.  Gamer life, man.  It is what it is.

Fast forward a few years, and I was introduced to the Nintendo 64.  Imagine the excitement on my face the first time I loaded up Super Mario 64 and discovered I could tug and pull Mario's face on the title screen.  The time I spent on Super Mario 64, GoldenEye 007, Turok: Dinosaur Hunter, Donkey Kong 64, and Cruis'n USA will forever be priceless to me.

I was beginning to view gaming as a less of a hobby and more of a lifestyle.  It wasn't simply something to do anymore; it was becoming my life.

I remember opening presents one faithful Christmas morning, and I became the proud owner of a brand new Playstation.  Yeah!!!  Am I the only one who remembers spending hours playing demo discs on Playstation?  Classic times.

I think it was with the Playstation that I began to evolve into a marathon gamer. I couldn't rest until I beat whatever I was playing.  I was hooked on Metal Gear Solid, Tomb Raider, and Resident Evil.  I was quite fond of Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 3, as well.

My appetite only grew with the release of the Playstation 2.  I would go to Blockbuster every weekend to rent something different.  I was a full fledged gamer by then.  If it was out, I had probably played it.  I don't even know the number of hours I spent playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.  It was no longer a hobby.  Gaming had become a major component of my life.

I eventually moved on to the Xbox 360 and the Xbox One.  Gamers constantly evolve, but I sometimes go back to the old consoles.  That nostalgia will get you every time.

So, here I am today.  If I'm not playing something, I'm watching gaming videos through the YouTube app on my Xbox One.  So even when I'm not actively gaming, I'm still gaming.  I read my Game Informer magazine from GameStop.  I research upcoming game releases and anxiously mark my calendar for my favorites.

I evolved from blowing into cartridges to wiping discs.  I grew from having to write down pass keys, to using memory cards and sticks, to finally saving to the hard drive.  I witnessed games changing from simple side scrollers to near movie experiences with actual actors in them.

I am a full fledged gamer.  I'll never change.  I am what I am.

What about you guys?  Do you have fond memories of your first time?  Drop some comments and let's connect.

Game on, my friends.

A Black woman that plays video games? Yes!

Yes, we do exist.  I love video games.  I've always loved playing video games ever since I was a child.  I've owned and played everything from the Atari 2600 to the Xbox One (my current obsession).  

The funny thing is I'm always defending my love of video games.  I'm not the type that pretends to play to impress guys.  No, I want to kick their butts.  I'm super competitive.  I had a boyfriend in high school that didn't believe I played until I whipped his tail in NBA Street.  He later admitted that he was so salty that he practiced for a week just to beat me.  So cute but he never did.  

To this day, he still says he's never met another girl that was as into gaming and he gave up looking.  He awarded me the crown. To be fair, I do look for a guy who loves to game, too.  Nothing more relaxing than chilling at home and gaming the night away.  Gaming over clubs any day.

My mother asked why I like stuff that boys like.  I responded that it's no more absurd than a man that cooks and cleans.  

By the way, a man in the kitchen is very sexy but, I digress.  

I feel that Black women are under represented in gaming culture.  It's almost as if we're not interested in it.  That's just not true.  Some of the most hardcore gamers I know are Black women.  Some people think that if we're into it at all, we're only interested in games like The Sims.  A game that some people call a "girl" game.  I love The Sims and know guys that play it, but I play so many different games.  Although I must admit, The Sims can get deep if someone is a skilled Simmer.  My Sims usually end up doing better at life than I am.  Crazy.

I'm more of a Grand Theft Auto/Call of Duty type of girl, though.  Nothing more satisfying than mindlessly mowing down pedestrians while listening to R&B on the radio or blasting campers on my favorite maps.  Great stress relief, believe it or not  Oh, and don't put a good RPG in front of me.  I'll get lost for days.  

I guess my love of sitting in front of a television or monitor and playing games doesn't help my social life.  Yeah, that's true.  I'm not big on going out and being seen.  However, I tend to build my friendships around my love of games.  My buddies are all gamers, too.  So, it works out in the end.  Instead of calling or texting one another all day, we just hop into an Xbox Live party and chat.  Gaming IS social.

So, what's the point of my blog?  Well, I want to prove that Black women love games just like everyone else.  I want to prove that we do keep up with game releases and watch E3.  I know I'm currently waiting on Fallout 4 to release.  11-10-15 is marked on my calendar.  I want to prove that we play all consoles and games.  Yes, some of us are into anime and cosplay, too.   We come in different packages, but we all share that love of gaming and fantasy. 

In case you're wondering how I'm spending my Friday night, I'm watching gaming videos on YouTube.  I'm watching DashieGames, to be exact.  Yeah, I'm really doing that.  Heads up, Dashie curses a lot.  Just an FYI in case anyone wants to check him out.  

I'm hoping that some people out there can relate to me.  I just want to game in peace without feeling like a science project.  Can I live?  Here's hoping to change, anyway.  Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.  Game on, my friends, game on.